Okay I'm going to share a poem I wrote. I've been getting into reading poems recently, I have these two thin books that I found in one of the little free library boxes that are dotted around my neighbourhood. I feel like they are nice bus reading. A good replacement for the phone, not quite as energy demanding as a bigger book.

This poem I wrote isn't necessarily a nice bus poem.. or a nice poem at all. It's about a slightly unpleasant date. So if you are reading this with your morning coffee and don't want to get annoyed at the mans world that we live in... now is your moment to stop reading. Go read something pleasant to start your day actually, that is important <3

But I'm glad I wrote the poem. It came to me last night as I was trying to get to sleep and helped me process the evening which I had been trying to put into words for a couple days. An evening where literally nothing happened, it just felt quite uncomfortable and left me feeling annoyed, 

Words are powerful and they can help us process. So never let the chatbots and desire for efficiency take away your practice of using yours.

The act of blogging and journalling definitely helps me in my creative practice, so I am going to keep exploring this journey. I'm not promising to be good at all.. like my motto always goes - do the things you're bad at. Write bad poetry, it's fun and therepeutic :p I like the idea of one day writing nice poems about sweet romantic dates, the kind that make me feel like I'm living in a movie.. but I those kind of evenings seem to be increasingly rare to come by, so he is an angry, therapeutic one instead. If you're a man reading this, be sure this is the kind of things you call out in other men. 

I went on a date with a man recently

I went on a date with a man recently,
silly thing to do I know.. 

but you see, he mentioned he knew a great jazz club,
and bought us tickets for a show,
well to that I couldn't say no.

I went on a date with a man recently,
to me it was clear from the start
that he and I would have to part.. 
or do I just keep a closed up heart?

Is it that or was it the things I excused?
as I aimed to please and act amused
his entitlement to touch
how he held my arm in a tight clutch
how he wanted me to drink
it's just a joke I think
have more wine he would preach
as he moved my water out of reach
holding the cocktail to my lips
it's all a good joke, just laugh it off and have small sips
don't let him push
but also stay hush
you've been here before
you recognise the feeling in your core
the evening that started as a vision
shifts into a mission
appease
don't tease
fight, flight or freeze
be patient, there'll soon be a moment you can leave

I went on a date with a man recently 
he wanted to know when he'd next see me.
He didn't like my maybe
I guess it triggered insecurity. 

Wanting to keep me there longer,
he told me of his childhood trauma.
A girl back in elementary,
a girl who he adored.
Would one day leave him ignored. 

I think our definitions of trauma don't quite match,
his from a prize he couldn't catch.

Mine, like many women's, comes from physical acts we were made to endure.
but I'm sorry that girl stopped talking to you,
that must have been rough I'm sure. 

I went on a date with a man recently. 
He told me he was afraid of my maybe. 
I didn't tell him I was afraid of how tight he gripped onto me.

I didn't want to make a fuss.
I managed to slip out his clasp and onto the bus
where I could take a deep breath, pull out my headphones, let my body un-tense and my mind begin to process.

Maybe he was just affectionate, forward and passionate.
or maybe the fact we were on a busy street just made me the woman that was fortunate.

The two days after this date I struggled to articulate why it left me with such an odd feeling. Writing a shitty poem about it helped. Sooo I recommend trying it if you ever have things you want to articulate or feelings you want to work through, 10/10 and way cheaper than therapy :p

lot's of love,

Elle

P.S I promise my next post will be more lighthearted and that my next dating stories will be funny, not dark.. I feel like entering my Carrie Bradshaw error maybe.. I have a funny comic strip on that theme already