I'm dropping the title 'Reverse the Rot'.. mostly just because I don't like the word rot. It doesn't sound pleasant.

I'm still trying to keep to my plan. I fell back into the old doomscrolling last night, which I think is bound to happen from time to time.

My first three weeks in Vancouver has flown past. I was on an absolute high for most of the time.. now my energy levels are quite low.

I'm trying to figure out why.. perhaps because I'm trying to juggle too much whilst adjusting to a whole new life. However I also think the city lights and lack of darkness is affecting me too. Humans need darkness to re-energise and properly rest. I am also particularly affect by light with my Post Concussion Syndrome, so my symptoms have been on overdrive the past week. Perhaps a point against becoming a 'city person'. 

Other than the lack of darkness I am still deeply in love with Vancouver and this opportunity. The backdrop of mountains behind skyscrapers. The bridges. The energy of downtown. It fills me with excitement.

My classes have begun, making this feel real and leaving me fighting off that dreaded imposter syndrome. Everyone here is bloody brilliant at art. I feel like I haven't created anything for weeks and have this freeze in me when I try to. So I'm trying to push past that block. 

I'm taking a class called The Artist Book.. what is an artist book you ask? Well I'm hoping I may be able to tell you by December.. I need to make one by then anyway. So far we have learned how to make our own little accordion books.

I've never excelled at the building/hands on kind of making. Sometimes when my head symptoms are flaring up too I struggle a bit with motor skills, I don't really know if that's the right way to put it? It feels like I can't quite connect my brain to my hands. This was happening in class and left me feeling quite incapable as those around me built their books super quick.

I was almost going to drop the class and choose something I'd find easier. However, I think I want to keep pushing. Learning new things and having new experiences builds new neural pathways. The process is often difficult. The times in the past few years that I have grown the most have involved a lot of 'brain ache' caused by pushing myself to learn- learning knots for sailing, learning astronomy for my tours.

I have spent a lot of time over the past few years reading about brain health. Trying to understand my injury, trying to understand how I can get back to how I was before. Practising fine motor activities are extremely beneficial for brain health- part of the reason why I started piano lessons a few years ago.. I also had a big crush on my instructor so that was nice too. 

Today I completed my assignment to remake the book in two different paper type. By the end of the assignment I knew the process well enough to teach my friend. My sense of anxiety shifted into curiosity and confidence and that feels awesome. It's extremely rewarding to make something with your hands.

So if you're someone that can be hesitant to try new things because you aren't yet good at them. Let this be your extra push. Let's do it together. I am going to stay in this class and continue to feel slightly incompetent as I struggle through new skills. I am going to make a lot of very scrappy, untidy books.. but hopefully by the end, one presentable 'artist book'. 

What will be your scrappy book? What new thing could you learn in 2026? Small or big. How could you push your brain in a new way? We should never stop pushing our brains.

lots of love, 

Elle